‘Tears of blood’ (song) and the memory of horror

Crying…
Tears of blood…
Tears of blood…
It’s raining blood.
Blood falling out of the sky.
My face covered with blood.
My heart…
My soul…
Crying!

I wrote this little song on 6 January 2012 and the video was shot on 2 February 2012. I was thinking about abused animals when I wrote it. People should treat animals with more respect, especially large animals. They don’t belong in a small cage (e.g. gorillas) or swimming pool (e.g. orcas) and should be allowed to live freely in the wild. Domestic animals such as cattle and horses should also not be used for entertainment and sports. I don’t like bullfighting and hope this sadistic ‘sport’ will one day be banned worldwide. The matador thrusting a sword through the body of a bull is one of the most gruesome images I’ve seen. I’m glad I saw this on my TV screen and not in real life, but even though my viewing experience was limited to a TV screen, I can’t unsee the horror. I can’t forget what I saw. It feels real because what happened was real. It reminded me of what happened to the body of Christ.

At the end of 1984 Yeshua (the Christ) appeared in my dream. I was 6 years old and knew very little about him because I did not know the Bible and my mother and I never went to church or said prayers, even though I had a rosary on the wall in my bedroom. I often looked at the male figure on the cross of my rosary and wondered who that dead man with long straight hair was. I knew my parents called him God or the Son of God, but I often wondered why they believed this and why he was crucified. I thought it was so sad and cruel. Well, my dream explained who he was. In this dream Yeshua, my father and I were together. I thought I was in heaven! Next to me sat my father, whom I rarely saw in real life. Yeshua sat directly across from me and stretched out his arms and showed me the stigmata in both hands. I was shocked and felt so sad for him. He was very tired and in a lot of pain because the wounds in his hands were still fresh. I understood that he was the godlike man who died on the cross and I assumed that the crucifixion must have taken place recently because he was still recovering from the pain. So this dream taught me about the resurrection of the Christ, but when I was six, I had no idea that people called Yeshua’s rise from death a ‘resurrection’. In my native language (Dutch) this would be translated as ‘opstanding’. I didn’t know this word. For years I believed that the ‘resurrection’ of Christ occurred only in my dream and not in his real life on Earth because I did not know the Bible well, even though my father gave me a children’s Bible when I was a little older. Most of the time I just looked at the illustrations. I was too lazy to read the stories. When I was a teenager, maybe 14 or 15, I finally discovered that the resurrection was a real event in the life of Christ according to the Bible. For the first time I read that Christ’s tomb was empty and that he continued to walk around Judaea showing people the stigmata. I read these stories in school because I went to a Catholic high school. That’s when I slowly started to realize that my 1984 dream was not just a dream. The Christ was really trying to tell me something. It’s not that I didn’t care about this dream because I wrote it down on paper in 1990 when I was 11 years old, but I simply underestimated the power of my dream. I can’t unsee what I saw in this dream. Yeshua is alive! I can’t pretend he’s not real because I’ve seen him in this dream and many more dreams over the years, but he only showed the stigmata once and that was in my first dream and never again. In this dream from 1984 Yeshua looked like a Palestinian man with long straight black hair, even though he’s not actually an Arab and there were probably no Arabs in Judaea until the 6th century AD and the name ‘Palestinian’ was not used around that time.

But in some other dreams, when I was a few years older, Yeshua looked like a North African man (Egyptian/Berber) with short curly black hair. He looked different, so it took me a while to realize it was the same man. I believe that the Jews of Judaea and their ancestors, the ancient Israelites of Canaan, are descended from the ancient Egyptians. Judaism started in Egypt. So this might explain why Yeshua looked African in other dreams. For example, in April 1996 I was 17 years old and dreamed that I was on a small island. I was there with a male friend. It felt like I had always known him, but I only met him in dreams, never in reality. My friend and I decided to leave the forest, so we carried our wouden raft to the beach. I looked at my friend for a moment as we stood on the beach. He looked a little older and a few inches taller and had a brown complexion and black curly hair. We were in a hurry, so we climbed onto the wooden raft and sailed out to sea. While we were sailing, the sea suddenly became very wild with huge waves, but those waves did not harm us, so miraculously we were able to sail on quietly. Then I woke up. For a long time I wondered who that mysterious friend was, but later in life I realized that it was the Christ himself again. I also learned that he was able to calm a storm on the Sea of Galilee. The wooden raft in my dream might have been a symbol for the cross that Yeshua carried.

Since October 7th (my birthday), so many children have died in the Gaza Strip. According to multiple news sources, thousands of Palestinian children have been killed in the Israel-Hamas war. The deaths of Israeli children on 10/7 is also heartbreaking, even though their numbers are much smaller. I just can’t believe that the ancient land of Canaan has become the center stage for the worst atrocities in the world and in human history. It’s also the least safe place for children. Just like animals, children are the most vulnerable creatures on Earth. They need our protection and deserve a good life. I believe that God loves all children: black, white, brown, gay, straight, bisexual, male, female, androgynous, hermaphrodite, crossdresser, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, etc. People who deny a child a safe environment and support an apartheid regime (Israel) that continues to bomb, injure and maim Palestinian children, both physically and mentally, should be a wake-up call to all of us. We must be more vigilant than ever before and try to stop this suffering once and for all. I consider this an attack not only on the Palestinians, but also on the land and the spirits of Canaan. Being a child in this world, especially in Gaza, is often a terrible and traumatic experience. I’ve seen horrific images from Gaza on the internet. For example, a young girl lying on her back on the ground because her legs were blown off and an 8-year-old boy shot in the head in Jenin, West Bank. The sadism is frightening and intimidating. Now that we’ve seen it, we can’t unsee it. We can’t look away anymore. Sadism is real and it’s a mental illness that destroys all morality and humanity in this world. I don’t understand why all these wars go on and on and on and why many psychopathic war criminals have thousands or even millions of followers. It’s hopeful to see so many demonstrations worldwide in support of the Palestinians, but I still sometimes wonder: Is hatred stronger than love in this world? Is homo sapiens a failed experiment?

So this is my final post for 2023. What a terrible year for humanity! It’s gonna be another sad Christmas.

Ancient Spirits of Canaan and the Levant! I’m calling you! You have inhabited these regions for thousands and even millions of years, long before humans existed. Rise from the clouds, the mountains, the forests and the depths of the seas and unite and let your roar be heard! Get ready for 2024!

Ryan Maurice Roemer
9 December 2023

A trip to there (lyrics)

It was on a Sunday, thinking about Monday.
I was ready to see another place somewhere else.

Are you ready to make, to make a trip to there?
Are you ready for me?
Because I need somebody there.

Driving on the highway, dreaming of a new way.
I had to recognize there’s a different way to travel.

Are you ready to make, to make a trip to there?
Are you ready for me?
Because I need somebody there.

Are you ready to make, to make a trip to there?
Are you ready for me?
Because I need somebody there.

There’s a different way.
There must be a different way.

I wrote this song in 1993 when I was about 14 years old. So this song is 30 years old! If you’d like to hear it, then click on the video above. I shot this video on 11 June 2011 when I was 32 years old. There is a language error in the lyrics. Sometimes this happens because English is not my native language and I rarely speak English. I always speak Dutch because I live in the Netherlands. I should have written “Are you ready to take a trip there?” instead of “Are you ready to make a trip to there?”. So that’s bad English, I guess, but it doesn’t really matter to me. I can’t change the recording and still like this song and feel nostalgic about it, even though the lyrics are not that special. It’s quite confronting to see this old video after 12 years! I was so nervous recording this song. I was alone in the living room when I recorded it and yet I was so nervous! I can clearly see the stress in my body language and my stiff hand and arm movements. So my conclusion: I was simply not born to perform on stage in front of an audience because I couldn’t handle my nerves. I better sing in my living room. My body language in this video is not elegant and graceful, but I’ve accepted my shortcomings. That’s the way I moved while singing in 2011. Another thing that’s funny… when I wrote this song and sang “Because I need somebody there”, I actually meant “Because I need a boyfriend there”! When I was 14 years old I already knew that I was gay, but I was still afraid to openly sing about that feeling in my songs and I didn’t want my family to hear it, so that’s why I decided to keep this little song gender neutral.

Ryan Maurice Roemer
29 November 2023

Gaza is like a modern concentration camp in the 21st century. Save the Palestinians!

Back in 1997 I met a Holocaust survivor.
Actually, I wanted to publish this story on
National Remembrance Day in Holland in
May 2024. Since there’s a war in Gaza right
now, I thought it might be a better idea to
discuss this topic now. I also believe that
God doesn’t want me to wait until next
year. Therefore, this article is now being
completed.

A long time ago I met a Holocaust survivor.
At that time I was an 18 year old student.
Early in the morning my stepfather told me
the bad news of Diana, Princess of Wales,
killed in the most horrific car accident in
Paris. I was so shocked and got up from
my bed and went downstairs to watch the
news on TV together with my parents. It
was such a sad start to the day. After the
news I went to shower and prepare for my
trip from The Hague to Leiden University.

So on 31 August 1997 I was waiting at the
bus stop near the intersection of Sportlaan
and Savornin Lohmanlaan in The Hague.
A much older woman, in her 90s, walked
to the bus stop. She walked with a walker.
She was a small woman with a sparkle in
her eyes and a big bright smile. She had a
light complexion and dark grey medium
length hair. She soon started talking to me
because we were alone and bus 4 (= No. 24
since 2004) was late. She revealed she was
Jewish and a survivor of the Holocaust.
She was in a concentration camp during
World War II and was the only survivor
in her family. All her relatives had died in
a concentration camp. My heart goes out
to this wonderful human being, a stranger,
and her family. Honestly, I don’t even know
her name. I guess she’s not alive anymore,
but I will tell her story to remind people
how evil Hitler was. The Holocaust is not
a lie. It really happened. I know this. It’s
the only time in my life that a survivor
opened up to me about the Holocaust.
And once you’ve heard a story like this,
you will never forget it.

Why did it happen? The Nazis believed that
blond blue-eyed Caucasian people were
descended from the Aryan gods who used
to live on Atlantis, a lost island, according
to mythology. The Nazis deemed all other
darker ‘races’ inferior. Hitler sold such a
big lie to so many people and caused so
much confusion, heartbreak and death.
Learn from the past! We should cancel his
racist worldview. It’s a lie that blond blue-
eyed people descend from Atlantis. The
truth is there are multiple ethnicities, but
there’s only one human race. According
to science homo sapiens (= early modern
human) comes from Africa. That’s where
it all started 300.000 years ago, before they
started migrating. All people around the
world are Africans originally.

So I hereby declare I feel great compassion
for Jewish communities all over the world,
but I also feel great empathy for the Muslim
communities in the Middle East. It’s known
that after World War II the State of Israel was
founded by the Zionists in 1948. Back at high
school I used to think this was a great thing
for Jewish people because of the Holocaust,
but now that I’m older and hopefully wiser,
I have become aware the Zionists created
an apartheid state which is so racist towards
Palestinians and many other people of color
from the Levant. As an African Surinamese
man I just have to be really honest about
this topic because I know the history of the
transatlantic African slave trade and the
history of colonialism. It’s very well known
that Western European nations colonized
North America, South America, Caribbean
islands, Australia and many countries in Asia,
the Middle East and Africa in the previous
centuries. Do you remember when Native
Americans lost all their land to Western
European settlers? Well, this is the same
situation. The truth is that the ambitious
Zionists who are mostly white people from
Western Europe & North America have
colonized the land of the Palestinians and
they look very different from the original
Jewish people in the land of Canaan. The
original Israelites looked similar to Middle
Easterners such as Egyptians. They did not
look like people from Western Europe at
all. They were not blond like Dutch people.
There might have been a few exceptions of
Israelites who had a lighter complexion, but
generally they looked similar to Egyptians.
They even lived in Ancient Egypt for a long
time according to Exodus in Old Testament.
I think the original Israelites were actually
Egyptians, but they were discriminated and
oppressed by the other Egyptians because
they had converted to a monotheistic faith,
probably introduced by Pharaoh Akhenaten
who reigned around 1353 – 1336 BC and was
a very controversial figure in Egypt. A group
of Egyptians left Egypt and went to Canaan
where they created their own Jewish culture
and language (Hebrew) over the years. So I
think the Bible doesn’t tell the truth. It’s even
possible that Moses was an alias for Pharaoh
Akhenaten.

Canaan underwent many changes over the
the centuries and was colonized many times.
For example, Canaan used to be part of the
Akkadian Empire (c. 2334 – 2154 BC) and the
New Kingdom of Egypt (c. 1550 – 1069 BC),
the Kingdom of Israel (c. 1047 – 930 BC) and
the Neo-Assyrian Empire (911 – 609 BC) and
the Neo-Babylonian Empire (626 – 539 BC),
the Achaemenid Empire (550 – 330 BC), the
Macedonian Empire (335 – 323 BC) and the
Roman Empire (27 BC – AD 330) with Rome
as its capital, the Byzantine Empire or also
called Eastern Roman Empire (330 – 1453)
with Constantinople as its capital. And then
finally the Arab world (624 – present). Just so
many different peoples have lived in Canaan
during those empires, such as the Amorites,
the Egyptians, the Phoenicians, the Hittites,
the Israelites, the Greeks, the Romans and
the Arabs. So this region must have been
a multicultural society since ancient times.
So why should only one nation be allowed
to own the land of Canaan today? Well, this
doesn’t make any sense. It’s just not fair!
For many centuries Jewish people lived in
Europe. Many Jews moved to the USA. The
majority of Jews from Europe and the USA
are white people whose ancestors come
from Europe. Their ancestors converted to
Judaism, so they’re not descended from the
ancient Israelites. Many Jews from Eastern
Europe moved to Western Europe where
they mixed with blonde Europeans. That’s
why you see many blonde Jews these days.
And now after many centuries they want
to ‘return’ to Canaan and oppress people
(the Palestinians) who have lived in this
region since the 7th century??? Well, this is
absolutely ridiculous and it must stop now!
For hundreds of years the original Jewish
inhabitants and the Palestinians had lived
together peacefully, but then everything
changed when those British Zionists came
and changed this 1400 year old institution.
The Israelis and Palestinians will have to find
a way to share the land with each other and
also with immigrants such as the Eritreans,
Sudanese and Ethiopians. Sadly, they are
treated like second class citizens in Israel.
According to some reporters and many
colored residents there’s white supremacy
in Israel which means that I would be a
second or third class citizen if I lived there.
So white Jewish British families, after living
in Europe for many centuries, could ‘return’
to Israel and earn all kinds of privileges in
the ‘Holy Land’, but a Jewish Ethiopian kid
is not welcome there??? Obviously, Zionists
would like to turn Israel into a country for
white people. This is ethnic cleansing, so
be vigilant! By the way, could you imagine
that one day milions of African Americans,
after living in the Americas and Caribbean
for 400 years, would decide to return to
Congo and Ghana and try to steal the land
from indigenous people there??? It’s just
unthinkable because it’s crazy and immoral
to do something like that. On top of that,
many African Americans don’t even look like
their West African ancestors anymore. They
would be seen as invaders by the natives.

I love that Israel is the only country in the
Middle East region where people from the
LGBTQ community are free to be who they
really are. I understand this need because
I am a gay man myself, but the freedom of
LGBTQ and the freedom of Jewish people
should not be used for the foundation of an
apartheid state that’s racist to Palestinians
and other people of color. This is not right!
So when I think back to my meeting with the
old Jewish woman in August 1997, I wonder
what she would think of the current war in
Gaza Strip now because I know there are
some other Holocaust survivors who have
been interviewed on tv and they don’t like
what’s happening in Gaza Strip. But I guess
she’s not alive anymore. Hopefully, she lives
in a more beautiful and peaceful world right
now where she has been united with her lost
relatives after such a long time and after so
many years of deep loneliness and yearning.
I also wonder what Yeshua (the Christ) thinks
of this current situation in Gaza. Well, even
though he’s a Jewish man himself, I guess he
would still call the Palestinians his brothers
and sisters. He would say: ‘Let the children
come to me’. Well, I’m sure he would mean
all children, including Palestinian children.
I remember Yeshua started to appear in my
dreams when I was about 6 years old and
he made it very clear in my dreams that he
loves all children: black, white, brown, red
and yellow. He would like to be a father
figure to all of them. I talked about this in
one of my previous posts from 2018.

Stop antisemitism and stop all racism! And
stop oppressing and killing the Palestinians!
They should have the right and freedom to
live wherever they would like to live in the
Levant, just like every other person in that
region. This has been their land for a really
long time, hundreds of years. According to
history the Arabs have lived in this region
since the 7th century AD and maybe even
earlier. Moreover, some Palestinian kids
may have Jewish ancestors. So free Gaza
and free Palestine! I hope that a two-state
solution will become a reality in the near
future. Sadly, the Palestinians have lived
under illegal occupation since 1948. I was
not even born yet. So on October the 7th
I celebrated my 45th birthday with family.
Well, since that day Gaza’s situation has
become even worse. Right now I feel so
very disappointed in mankind. Everyday I
see horrific images from the war in Gaza.
Of course the terrorist attack of Hamas on
October 7 should be condemned. I feel sad
that so many innocent Israeli people lost
their lives. Make sure that violence is never
the answer to solve our problems because
when you do use violence, then you’re not
any better than the aggressor/perpetrator.
Hamas should release all Israeli hostages!
But what the Israelis are doing in Gaza right
now is terrorism too! Western media such
as CNN show a very one-sided narrative.
They only seem to feel compassion for the
loss of Israeli lives. Dead Palestinians get
less attention or no attention at all. I read
that half of the Palestinian population is
under 18 years old. Well, all these innocent
children will be traumatized for the rest of
their lives. Even babies are being killed right
now. It’s insane! It’s a shame that Benjamin
Netanyahu compares the Palestinians to
the Amalek people from the Hebrew Bible.
The Old Testament is a collection of violent
warmongering stories that should not serve
as moral guidance for people in the 21st
century. We should be wiser now and be
able to show compassion for one another.

The dehumanization and demonization of
Palestinians by Netanyahu is so shocking.
He talks like Adolf Hitler. It’s so confusing!
I think it’s a perfect example of the victim
becoming the perpetrator. When a victim
was sexually abused as a child, sometimes
that child when he/she is grown up will do
the same abusive things to other children.
It might be an attempt to regain the (sexual)
power that he/she once lost as a little child.
So the Jews were the victims in the Second
World War, but then after the founding of
the State of Israel, with the help of Zionists
from the UK and USA, they actually became
the perpetrator/oppressor in Palestine. It’s
so very sad that this big trauma from WWII
pushed some Jews in the wrong direction.
I think this is not real Judaism because true
Judaism is more compassionate.

I live in Holland, so I don’t know everything
that happens in Gaza and the West Bank.
For daily news about this region I depend
on news sources such as Al Jazeera English,
BBC News, Sky News, The Young Turks and
the Grayzone. I think it’s very touching to
see so many protests all over the world and
even in the USA. For the first time I see so
many people, thousands of people, standing
up for the rights and freedom of children
in Palestine. There are also so many Jewish
people who disapprove of the cruel actions
of Netanyahu and his fascist regime. Many
Jews oppose Zionism and support a free
Palestine. News channel Democracy Now!
has a great video about a Jewish American
protest taking place at the main terminal of
Grand Central Station in New York City. So
this demonstration was led by the Jewish
Voice for Peace. I believe this must be the
real Judaism and that gives me some hope
for the future of Palestinians. But it’s just so
heartbreaking to see that a large crowd of
Muslims wanted to attack Israeli citizens in
an airplane arriving at an airport in Russia.
This is antisemitism! We should condemn
this hunting for Jews and try to remember
that most Jews are innocent civilians just
like the Palestinians. It’s their evil leaders
who are creating endless brutal wars for
the sheep. Netanyahu should be cancelled!
He’s a war criminal. The Palestinians have
lived in an open-air prison for years. They
actually live in a cage because they can’t
get out. It’s like a modern concentration
camp. They can’t even get water, food or
electricity. All communications have been
cut off, so they cannot use their phones
or the internet. It’s pretty clear Netanyahu
wants them to suffer silently without the
rest of the world knowing all the details.
This is such a major humanitarian crisis,
so this region needs a ceasefire now!

The United Nations General Assembly called
for a humanitarian truce in Israel-Gaza war.
120 countries voted in favour of a truce and
14 countries (such as the USA and Israel)
voted against it and 45 countries abstained,
including the Netherlands! Well, I feel so
ashamed that my country did not have the
balls to vote. Obviously, the government of
the Netherlands is afraid to lose their good
relationship with the USA if they let them
down. The Netherlands is like the lapdog
of the USA. Our political leaders preferred
an abstention. Well, this is very cowardly.
Just remember that many people in the
Netherlands oppose the war in Gaza and
want a ceasefire now! Suriname is a country
in South America and that’s where both my
parents come from. My mother and I are
African Surinamese immigrants in the
Netherlands, although I was born in the
Netherlands. But Suriname definitely had
the balls to vote in favor of a truce. Thank
you, Suriname! That’s great! I’m also happy
to see that countries such as Egypt and
Jordan prefer a truce. I would also like to
give a shout out to Belgium, because the
Belgian political leaders had the balls to
vote for a truce. Thank you, Belgium!

The USA military empire in the Middle East
is the great catalyst of wars in that region.
Why are there USA army bases in countries
in the Middle East? Armies in Afghanistan,
Iraq, Syria, Iran and Libya? It’s so confusing!
The USA are always lecturing Russia, but
what they have done to indigenous people
in the Middle East is even worse. And don’t
you forget that one million Iraqi people died
in the USA war with Iraq after the American
president George W. Bush told the world
lies about the presence of weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq in 2003. The USA need
to get out of the Middle East! Stop lecturing
people in the Middle East! The people there
are descended from the oldest civilizations
in the world. They really don’t need the USA
to tell them what’s right or wrong. By the
way, the USA are not a role model for other
countries. I love music from the USA and
there are many great people coming from
this country and I enjoyed going on vacation
to Chicago, Iowa, Orlando, Miami and New
York and I’ve met a lot of nice Americans too.
They welcomed me in their country, but I do
not approve of the politics of their leaders in
the Middle East. So in this article I decided
to give my unapologetic opinion about the
situation in Gaza and the role of the USA in
this war. The unconditional support to Israel
makes the USA complicit in the massacre
and genocide taking place in Gaza right now.
Over 8000 Palestinians have died since 10/7.
It’s not my intention to hurt the feelings of
Americans, but if they are hurt by my article,
then so be it. It’s much more important that
I speak from my heart and give my honest
opinion about the Israel-Gaza war since so
many lives of children are at stake now. We
have to speak up! So bring George W. Bush,
Tony Blair, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton and
Netanyahu to justice at the International
Criminal Court in The Hague for all the war
crimes they committed in the Middle East!

Last but not least, the current situation in
Gaza is a test for the whole human race on
this planet. The Palestinians are not donkeys
that you can push across the country. They
are human beings just like everyone else. To
some extent I can imagine what Palestinians
are going through because my West African
ancestors were treated like servile animals
by Dutch colonists in Suriname. So this is a
big wake up call. If you condone this war, you
might lose your humanity and start crawling
on the ground like a wild animal just like the
Babylonian Emperor Nebuchadnezzar II did
when he lost his mind for seven years. This
story comes from the Book of Daniel in the
Hebrew Bible. According to the last known
Uruk tablet from Nebuchadnezzar’s reign
he died on 7 October 562 BC.

Written by Ryan Maurice Roemer
September-October 2023

For more information click on Al Yazeera video link down below.
Israel intensifies attacks: Gaza residents ask why are Western leaders waiting

For more information click on Al Yazeera news link down below.
UNGA calls for humanitarian truce in Israel-Gaza war: How countries voted

For more information click on Sky News video link down below.
Israel-Hamas war: ‘We will fight and we will win’, says Benjamin Netanyahu

For more information click on TeleSUR video link down below.
Empire Files: Anti-Black Racism Reveals Israel’s White Supremacy

For more information click on VICE News video link down below.
Why Ethiopian Jews Are Building a Movement Against Racism in Israel

For more information click on Democracy Now! news link down below.
“Not in Our Name”: 400 Arrested at Jewish-Led Sit-in at NYC’s Grand Central Demanding Gaza Ceasefire

if you’re interested in more articles that I wrote, then take a look at this:
The Dutch King’s apology for slavery in Suriname and Caribbean during the rise of anti-woke sentiments in the Netherlands

Send yourself to me (lyrics)

Hey hey, send yourself to me.
Hey hey, send yourself to me.

Walk away! Come back to me!
The turning point.
Your mind changed.
Walk away! Come back to me!
The turning point.
Your mind changed.

Hey hey, send yourself to me.
Hey hey, send yourself to me.

Am I a song playing in your head?
You can’t forget it.
Your rhythm changed.
Am I a song playing in your head?
You can’t forget it.
Your rhythm changed.

Hey hey, send yourself to me.
Hey hey, send yourself to me.

Send yourself! Send yourself!
Send yourself to me.
Hey hey, send yourself! Send yourself!
Send yourself to me.
Hey hey, send yourself! Send yourself!
Send yourself!

I wrote this song in September 1992 when I was 13 years old. Now I’m 44.
I still enjoy singing it after 31 years and that 13 year old boy still lives inside of me.
A lot of things have changed in the world since 1992, but some things never change.
My love for music will never change.
I will sing forever as long as I have a voice.
Even if I lose it one day, my spirit will always sing.
Song recorded: 4 August 2023.

‘Accompanied by the thunder’ (song) and my story: struck by lightning in 2008

I like the elements of nature.
Listen to the sounds of streaming water.
Beauty is everywhere.
The Earth is my home.

In the sky I hear thunder.
In the sky I see the lightning.
I know how it feels to be accompanied by the thunder.

I like to walk around in nature,
watching the trees giving me shelter.
Flowers grow everywhere.
This world is my home.

In your heart I hear thunder.
In your soul I see the lightning.
I know how it feels to be accompanied by the thunder.

Song written by Ryan Maurice Roemer.
Audio recording on 10 August 2023.

I started writing this song in January/February 1998 when I was 19 years old. I guess I felt the need to romanticize the forces of nature. I wondered how it would feel to be close to forces such as lightning which I considered a manifestation of divinity and the incredible creative power of the Universal Spirit which some people call ‘God’. Well, you’d better be careful what you wish for, because exactly 10 years later on Sunday the 20th of July 2008 I was struck by lightning during my vacation in Suriname. I was 29 when this happened, the most dramatic and wonderful event of my life. Me, my mother, stepfather and half sister went on vacation to Suriname to visit our family there. I had not been to Suriname for almost a decade. The last time was in July 1999. So it felt good to be back in Suriname with my family and on the 20th of July 2008 we decided to visit Colakreek, a blackwater creek in Para (= district of Suriname), which is a very popular recreation park for people in Suriname. My maternal grandmother, uncle, his wife (= my godmother) and two cousins came with us to visit Colakreek. It was a warm sunny day with a clear blue sky. We drove from Paramaribo (= the capital of Suriname) to Colakreek in Para District. When we arrived at Colakreek, we were welcomed by a Native American family who are friends with my uncle and his wife. This family owned a nice bungalow there with two beautiful gazebos in the garden. Me and some relatives decided to sit down under a gazebo right next to the small river. On the land on the other side of the water I saw several groups of people sitting under gazebos. There was a large crowd in the park that day. I guess over 150 people spent the afternoon there and many of them played in the water. Everybody seemed to feel happy and enjoy nature there. It was a hot day, because the sun was shining so brightly, but the tropical trees and gazebos provided some cover. I didn’t want to swim in the water because of the mosquitoes, so I stayed under the gazebo with my mother and grandmother.

After some hours the weather changed suddenly. First it started to drizzle, but then suddenly it started to rain very hard. It was a typical tropical downpour. The hard rain came so unexpected that many people had to quickly seek shelter. I stood under the gazebo near the water, watching some people still in the water. Then suddenly out of nowhere lightning struck the water just a few feet away from me. So I could see the lightning bolt right in front of me and that was an incredible view! It’s the loudest and most intimidating sound that I have ever heard. Of course, everyone knows the sound of lightning, but to hear and see it from so close is very different. I’ll never forget that view and that sound. First I heard the electrical sound from lightning and then I heard the explosive sound from the thunder. I guess it must be similar to a bomb explosion. Everything happened so fast. I let out a cry of terror (that actually sounded kind of funny), because suddenly my arms went up from the electricity. My arms and legs became completely stiff and this lasted for a few seconds. It took a while before I could move my arms and legs normally again. I realized that I had been hit by a spark from that lightning bolt and that I must have had a serious electric shock. I was surprised that the electric shock didn’t hurt at all. I never felt any physical pain. I only felt a soft tingling in the skin around my right chest and shoulder. I told my mother that I had been struck, but she could not believe me. She remained in denial for a long time, so I guess the shock and the idea that her son had been struck by lightning was too much for her at that moment. Then I unbuttoned my shirt so I could get a better look at my right shoulder. I didn’t have any injuries. My skin looked normal, but after a few minutes the red veins under the skin started to become more and more visible. Eventually the veins started to look like a landscape map that stretched from the right chest and shoulder to the top of my back. Now my mother, grandmother, godmother, sister and niece could clearly see that I had been struck by lightning. Everybody was in a state of shock. My mother later admitted that she had seen a flash of lightning right next to me, but at first she thought it had missed me. My godmother started to cry and my grandmother asked us to pray together which I normally never or rarely do, but this time I agreed, because my mom and godmother looked so scared. So we said the Lord’s Prayer: ‘Our Father in Heaven’. My grandmother was a Christian and believed this was a sign from God. We all lay down on the floor, because my family was afraid that lightning would strike one of us again. Only my grandmother stayed in her chair. We could not leave our gazebo, because it kept storming.

My uncle, nephew and uncle’s friends were forced to stay under the other gazebo in the garden at a distance of about 30 meters from us. They wanted to come to our gazebo, but they could not leave because of the dangerous storm. There was thunder and lightning everywhere. My stepdad, who was still standing in an unprotected spot in the garden, had to run quickly to the car parked next to the house so that he could take shelter inside. That’s what he later told us after all the drama was over. He had to hide in the car for a long time, because the storm continued to rage for quite a long time. But after a while, the storm slowly began to subside. When I looked at the water again, I noticed that some unknown people were still in it. Two of them had passed out in the water, for they were closest to the lightning strike on the water. I assume they must have had an electric shock. Their families or friends came to rescue them and pulled them out of the river and carried them to a gazebo on the opposite river side. When the storm finally passed, my stepfather, uncle and nephew were able to come to our gazebo. They were shocked when they saw what had happened to me. My uncle’s friends told us they had never experienced anything like this at Colakreek before. The electricity was also out everywhere in the park. No one dared to go into the water anymore. After a while an ambulance arrived at one of the gazebos on the other side of the river. The ambulance took one of the fainted victims to the hospital. I felt so sad for this young man and hoped he would recover soon. Luckily I had no serious injuries, so me and my family decided to drive back to Paramaribo. My mother told me she believed that Mother Nature wanted to touch me. Those words stayed with me. Maybe she was right. I guess this was her attempt to turn something negative into something positive. While I was in the car I looked out of the window and felt very good like I was reborn. Then I noticed that the red veins under the skin around my right chest and shoulder were already starting to fade. When we finally got back to the city after a long drive, the visible veins on my chest, shoulder and back had completely disappeared. This little miracle happened within two to three hours. I felt so relieved! In Paramaribo we drove past a doctor and she took a look at my skin and asked me a few checking questions and then said I’m okay. She told me I was lucky and that my injury cleared up so quickly because it is in the mildest category. So that was the end of my adventure on that special day.

Exactly one week later, a sunny afternoon on Sunday the 27th of July 2008, I happened to meet my biological father in a supermarket parking lot in Paramaribo. I had not seen him for 11 years. The last time I saw him was in October 1997 when I had just turned 19 years old. So my father and I were right next to the supermarket and talked for a few minutes while my stepdad, uncle and niece were waiting in the car. My dad hugged me and said I’m always welcome. That was the last time I had seen him alive. Exactly 10 years later, on Saturday the 6th of January 2018, my father passed away unexpectedly due to diabetes. Nurses at the hospital were not able to save his life, because they didn’t have enough insulin for him. Healthcare is very bad in Suriname. I didn’t attend my father’s funeral in Paramaribo because I did not have a close relationship with him.

I felt so lucky and blessed after surviving the lightning strike. I knew the Christ had protected me that day (20 July), because I didn’t feel any pain when I was struck by lightning. Yeshua started appearing in my dreams when I was about 6 years old (in late 1984) and he kept appearing in dreams when I was a teenager and an adult. Just a few days before flying to Suriname in July 2008 I looked at a special photo that I had found on the internet. It was a photo of ‘Cristo Redentor’ (= Christ the Redeemer), a statue of Christ in Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. Of course, I know that the historical Yeshua actually looked completely different from the representation of the statue, but I still found the picture of the statue interesting, because it shows how the statue’s head was struck by lightning on Sunday the 10th of February 2008. The statue looks so indestructible at that moment. I saved that photo on a USB stick before flying to Suriname. So when the same thing happened to my shoulder only two weeks after looking at that photo, I knew this was no coincidence. Being struck by lightning was the most dramatic, the most terrifying, the most beautiful and the most revealing event of my life. It showed me that Christ is real and much more than just a man who appeared in my dreams. Thank you for touching me, Mother Nature. I feel stronger now! Your lightning is part of my DNA now. And thank you for keeping me safe, Yeshua. On so many occasions you showed me that, even though I’m an androgynous gay man who faces a lot of discrimination in this mortal world, I will never walk alone in the universe. You have always been by my side and accepted me as I am, because you love all children of God.

Ryan Maurice Roemer
28 August 2023

The Dutch King’s apology for slavery in Suriname and Caribbean during the rise of anti-woke sentiments in the Netherlands

Usually I publish the lyrics of my a cappella songs on this blog, but today I’m going to do something different. Since I have a particular interest in history, I’d like to draw your attention to an important and historical event in the Netherlands (Europe). Recently, the Dutch King apologized for the Netherlands’ role in slavery in Suriname (South America) and some Caribbean islands. Since I’m an African Surinamese man myself, I’d like to respond to this and elaborate on the topic of racism. Where do we go from here as a black and colored community, but also as a multicultural society, now that anti-woke sentiments are rising in our country? Anti-woke conservatives always hate on diversity, feminism and LGBTQ in mainstream media and social media. This movement has become extremely popular. It’s very worrisome. I would also like to discuss the role of so called ‘Christians’ who have been relentless in perpetuating and maintaining the ‘white savior’ complex. What a lot of people don’t know is that African slaves (prisoners!) were not allowed to practice their own religions in Suriname. They were Christianized. All other religions became pagan and nudity became a sin too. So slaves lost much of their African cultures. I will also discuss my own relationship with Christianity, because Christ started appearing in my dreams when I was a child. By the way, English is not my native language, so forgive me if I make language mistakes.

WARNING: In this article I will talk about some sensitive topics in our society. You’re welcome on my blog, but if you are easily offended, then maybe you’d better leave. I’m going to speak my truth, unapologetically.

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1: National Slavery Monument, Oostpark Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
Photo taken by R.M. Roemer during Keti Koti Festival on 1 July 2017.

Every year we celebrate Keti Koti in Suriname and the Netherlands on the 1st of July. Keti Koti means that the chains are broken, because on this day in 1863 the Dutch government abolished slavery in Suriname. So this year (2023) marks the 160th anniversary of the abolition of slavery, but actually it’s only 150 years ago, because after the abolition in 1863 African slaves were forced to continue working on plantations until 1873. Last year on the 19th of December 2022 Mark Rutte, the Dutch Prime Minister, apologized for the Dutch government’s active role in slavery and crimes committed against Africans. Now 7 months later on July 1, on the occasion of 150 years of the abolition of slavery, the Dutch King Willem-Alexander also apologizes for the role his family played in slavery in their (former) colonies: Suriname in South America and some islands in the Caribbean such as Curacao, Aruba, Sint Maarten, Bonaire, Saba and Sint Eustatius. This is a historical moment and a very emotional moment for a lot of people, especially for the descendants of the African slaves, including myself. Finally, there’s an official recognition of this crime against humanity and all the suffering that slaves and their descendants endured for centuries.

2: Monument of 11.0000 names, Oosterpark Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
Photo taken by Ryan Maurice Roemer during Keti Koti Festival on 1 July 2017.


This monument depicts the surnames of freed African slaves in Suriname. After slavery was abolished in 1863, they were given names by their former slave owners. My paternal grandfather’s surname ‘Kort’ can be found in the list of surnames. I don’t have any other information about him, because he died when my father was two years old and my father’s parents were not together anymore.

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3: Monument of 11.000 names, Oostpark Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
Photo taken by Ryan Maurice Roemer during Keti Koti Festival on 1 July 2017.


My maternal grandmother’s surname ‘Roemer’ is in the list of surnames. My grandma’s grandparents used to be slaves working on a plantation in Para. Para is a district in Suriname. My grandma’s paternal grandmother’s name was ‘Roemer’ and her paternal grandfather’s name was ‘Bova’. Her grandpa was a ransomed slave before the abolition of slavery. Bova and Roemer were not allowed to get married during slavery.


My parents come from Suriname. Both my mother and father are African Surinamese, although both of them are also mixed (interracial), but most black people in Suriname are mixed. The point is that we identify as black people. My father passed away in 2018, but my mother is alive and doing well. I know this historical moment means a lot to people of my parents’ generation. My mother still has clear memories of the 100th anniversary of the abolition of slavery in Suriname on 1 July 1963. She was almost 10 years old at that time. My maternal grandmother died in 2019, she was 95 years old (born 1924), and when she was a little girl in Suriname, a lot of older black people who used to be slaves in the 19th century were still alive. My grandma’s father (Roemer) was black and her mother was mixed. Of course it was the same situation for my maternal grandfather (Refos, born 1914) when he was a little boy, even though his ethnical background was different, because his mother (Refos) was a mixed woman from Suriname and his father came from China. Even when my mother (born 1953) and father (born 1943) were small children in Suriname, a few freed slaves were still alive, but of course they were very old. So for people of my parents’ and grandparents’ generations, slavery is not that long ago.

My mother migrated to the Netherlands in the 1970s, because she was a student. Actually, a lot of Surinamese people moved to the Netherlands in the 1970s. My father never migrated, but he often came on vacation in the Netherlands. My parents’ relationship already started in Suriname in the 1960s, but I was born in 1978 and raised by my mother in the Netherlands, so I also went to school in this country. Honestly, during history lessons Dutch teachers (who were white) rarely talked about the Dutch government’s role in slavery. Most history lessons were about the first and second world wars. I understand that there was a lot of suffering for many European people during these wars, but when I was a teenager at high schooI I always thought it was strange that the history of my parental country (Suriname) was almost non-existent in Dutch history books. Teachers also never mentioned the role that Suriname played in WWII. My maternal grandmother worked as a soldier when 2000 American soldiers came to Suriname in 1941 to help the Dutch protect the borders of Suriname, especially the bauxite industry, against the German Nazis. My grandmother worked as a truck driver for the American soldiers. The absence of Suriname in Dutch history books made a lot of black people feel invisible in the Netherlands. I can relate to that, because as a black gay man I have often felt invisible in Holland. I often feel that my life, my happiness doesn’t really count in this country. I’m just a ‘nigger’, just a ‘fag’.

In 2013 I made a video about the racist character Zwarte Piet, also called Black Pete or Blackface, who is the servant of Sinterklaas (similar to Santa Claus). I criticized this racist Dutch tradition through satire and published my video on social media. I received a lot of hateful comments from Dutch people wishing me dead. For many years some Dutch people with a lot of power have tried to suppress my video on YouTube, because they don’t want it to get views, but somehow the video still managed to get a lot of views. Since October 2017 I have been shadowbanned on YouTube. They manipulated the algorithm in such a way that my video was not able to get any views anymore. It went from thousands of views per day to zero views. So this is the state of the Dutch society today. This is what might happen. If a black person stands up and wants to give his or her opinion about an important topic, there’s still a big chance that white supremacists will try to silence us. And it seems that the number of white supremacists is increasing, probably stimulated by the popularity of some right-wing extremist political parties. But this is not only happening in the Netherlands. Something is changing in many Western countries. In the past certain groups of people were called ‘neo fascists’ or ‘right-wing extremists’, but today many people refer to themselves as ‘anti-woke conservatives’. It sounds interesting, but what does it really mean? I’ve watched a lot of interviews with anti-woke politicians, reporters and influencers and I’ve come to a negative conclusion. Anti-woke conservatives are (closeted) racists, misogynists and homophobes. They want people like me to fail in society and in fact they would like to return to the 18th century when discrimination ruled the world. Anti-woke conservatives are often narcissists and emotionally disabled and unable to feel empathy for minorities. For some reason they believe that the white ‘race’ is in danger, but it’s really not (if you ask me) or maybe they just want to pretend that the white race is in danger and put fear in the hearts of white children. Fear mongering! They often create the most bizar conspiracy theories and want to make people, especially young people, believe that the ‘wokists’ (a new discriminatory label for people like me) want to oppress straight white men and women. Today you can read the word ‘woke’ all over social media. It’s a new hype! A similar thing happened in Germany in the 1930s when the Nazis started blaming innocent and hard-working Jews for everything that went wrong in society. They became the scapegoats.

But I do understand the frustrations of angry white people in the Netherlands and the rest of Western Europe. They are not happy with the large numbers of migrants coming from Africa and Asia. White people have the feeling that they are losing their countries. Dutch white people are afraid that we will steal their best jobs and they’re also angry that a large proportion of crime, especially in the big cities, is caused by black men (from Suriname / Caribbean) and Arab men (e.g. Moroccans). It’s not my intention to justify criminal behaviour of those young black and colored men, because crime is always wrong, but a lot of them can’t find jobs and feel lost in the Netherlands. Many ‘foreigners’ face discrimination in the labor market. Not only people of color but also white people from Eastern Europe (e.g. Polish people) can’t find jobs. It shouldn’t be a surprise that the Dutch respond to migrants in this way, because it’s human nature to feel fear of the unknown, the other, especially the ‘dark’ other, but the truth is population movements have taken place all over the world for thousands if not millions of years. Animals do the same thing, e.g. elephants, birds and fish travel thousands of miles by land and sea, always looking for food, a better place to stay. Nobody leaves their home without a reason. Many people are war refugees, so they were forced to leave their countries, but some other people are just looking for adventures and want more land. That’s what Western Europeans did in the Americas and Australia. They stole all the land from Native Americans and Aboriginals. The Islamic Arabs (from Asia) did the same thing when they colonized Egypt, Morocco and the rest of North-Africa. We live in a world that continues to change due to population movements. Probably, you won’t like that, but there’s not a lot you can do about it, so you just have to accept that people will always keep moving around the world. It’s the nature of the beast. Nothing will stay the same forever. Our society will never be the way it was 100 years ago, because everything changes. People are afraid of change and many of them are unable to adapt to new times and new situations.

So who are the wokists according to the anti-woke conservatives? Well, they want you to believe that the so called ‘globalists’ want to create a new world order and want to educate people about diversity, gender and sexuality. In other words, empowerment for minorities such as black people and other people of color in the Western world and also more visibility for members from the LGBTQ community and more opportunities and equal pay for women. People who used to be discriminated a lot in the past and are still facing a lot of discrimination today. It makes you wonder: Is it really such a bad thing to empower these marginalized groups of people and make them more visible? Do you really have to ban books educating children about the existence of LGBTQ people on this planet? Most children know a gay or bisexual aunt, uncle or cousin in their families and yet these anti-woke conservatives don’t want any gay characters in children books and movies, because they want to ‘protect’ children. Oh, really??? For example, when I was a small child, I knew that my favorite aunt was a proud lesbian or bisexual black woman, because she openly lived with her black girlfriend in the 1980s and 1990s. But there are so many other LGBTQ people and black/colored people who just want some respect, freedom and visibility. We exist! Don’t you want them to achieve a little more autonomy and financial independence? Are we allowed to be happy and fully enjoy our humanity? We just want to be seen as human beings and we want more equal opportunities. It’s not our goal to discriminate or oppress white people and straight people. Because the anti-woke conservatives pretend that white people and heterosexual people are now the new victims. God gave this world, this planet, to all of us. We all have the right to enjoy the fruits of life. Listen, you anti-woke conservatives! Nobody wants to hurt you! Stop being such a cry baby! And stop fear mongering! You straight white men and women still get the best and highest paid jobs in this stupid hierarchical world.

Even more bizar is the fact there are many black people and other people of color who are interested in the ideas of the anti-woke conservatives. I guess it won’t surprise you, but there’s a lot of racism within the black and colored communities. There are plenty of black and colored people who don’t like interacting with each other, simply because they have an aversion to other black and colored people. In other words, they don’t like their own etnicity. They are not proud of their African roots and natural looks and try everything they can to change that, so called ‘acting white’. That’s one of the reasons why the emancipation of black and colored people is going so very slow, because a lot of them don’t support each other. The darker your skin is the more rejection you will experience in the black and colored communities. Dark-skinned black women in particular have to deal with racism the most in their own communities. Black men reject dark women all the time. They always look for light-skinned women as partners for marriage. It’s a very painful topic for many women and we don’t really talk about it in our communities, but it’s there and we all can see it, because it’s so obvious. In recent years I’ve seen the word ‘colorism’ a lot, but I don’t like this word, because I think it’s an understatement and it downplays or hides the existence of racism in black and colored communities. These black men are not colorists. They are racists! Just call it what it is. Many of them don’t help dark-skinned black women raise their children and they don’t help them move to more expensive neighbourhoods. They only help light-skinned women and they prefer light-skinned children too. Even my own father, every time he came to the Netherlands for a holiday, he spent more time with his light-skinned cousins than with me. By the way, they had good hair (straight and wavy). I remember…. when I was a toddler I started crying when my father played games with my much older cousins in the living room of his sister’s home, because he didn’t look at me and didn’t seem to be interested in playing games with a toddler. Eventually, my mother broke off their engagement in 1983. Now that I’m older I do understand that my father was probably conditioned to prefer light-skinned people, because all his half brothers and half sisters were white. He was the only biracial child of his Portuguese Surinamese mother (De Freitas, born 1906), the only child with a black father. After some time my mother married a Dutch white man (Elting, born 1950) in June 1985. During my childhood I didn’t have a good relationship with him, partly because it was difficult for me to accept a white man as my stepfather, but he has always been there for me when my black father wasn’t. My stepfather was there for me at important moments such as learning how to ride a bicycle, learning to swim, helping me overcome my fear of deep water, learning how to skate on ice and him talking to the school principal when I was bullied at high school. He is still a part of my life today.

Another reason that a lot of black and colored people have joined the anti-woke movement is because there’s a lot of homophobia in families of African, Asian and Middle Eastern descent. The Bible, the Quran and the Torah in particular have fueled a fear of LGBTQ in many people. So I have to confess that as a black gay man I almost never received emotional support from other black and colored people. Also black and colored gay men have not been supportive to me. There’s no unity or harmony in the black and colored communities in Holland according to my opinion. Probably because there are so many different ethnicities and cultures within these communities. But the African Surinamese and African Antillean communities in particular have been torn apart. They don’t really work together like the Moroccans and Turks do, because these two population groups often create their own companies in the Netherlands. But black people (including myself) often continue to work for a boss, because we are afraid to start new business. I don’t have a bad job and I can get by just fine, but I work for the Dutch government and I feel like I’m just a little pawn in a huge bureaucratic machine and I see that many other black people are in the same position. Why can’t we come together and create a new business? Black people are often so insecure, confused and messed up mentally and emotionally, which hinders our creativity and productivity, partly because of the slavery and colonial past, but also because of our discriminatory religions suppressing the power of our souls and our obsessive search for white beauty and a ‘white savior’. But is Christ really white? Or is that a lie?

Despite some discriminatory texts against gay men in the Bible, I still believe in Christ, because he started appearing in my dreams, as far as I can remember, when I was a 6 year old child in 1984. In the first dream I can remember, Christ showed the stigmata in his hands to me. At that young age I did not know the resurrection story, because my Catholic parents never read the Bible to me and we never visited churches, so all I knew as a 6 year old boy was that Christ died on the cross, because I had seen that image on my rosary. So even though I did not know the resurrection story, the resurrected Christ still appeared in my dream. That’s very special to me. I think he wanted to come close to me, because he wanted to prove that he’s real and probably because he was concerned about my well-being. I know it was really him, because there’s simply no one like him. His presence is so divine. I’ve never seen such a humble man who is so majestic at the same time. I have seen Christ in many more dreams, but honestly, in a lot of dreams I didn’t recognize him, because he looked so different. Based on those dreams, I think this must be his true appearance. So I’m pretty sure what the real historical ‘Yeshua’ or ‘Yehoshua’ (his original Jewish name) looked like and I can tell that he looks different from the bearded white man with long dark or blond hair that you see in biblical illustrations, paintings, documentaries and movies. Surprisingly, in most of my dreams he had short dark (curly) hair, a (light) brown skin color and often no beard or only a stubble beard. It wasn’t until I grew up that I finally realized that the colored man with short dark curly hair was also Christ! I guess that’s what the real historical Yeshua used to look like. Actually, that’s what some dreams revealed to me in the early 2000s. It made me realize that racism was also present in me. Because of my brainwashing, I couldn’t recognize the short-haired and brown-skinned Yeshua as Christ in my own dreams for so many years!!! Nevertheless he was always very kind, respectful and supportive to me. That’s how I know that he loves LGBTQ people. When churches tell you that Christ disapproves of gay people, you should know that’s a lie made up by hateful priests! For centuries demonic entities have tried to change and suppress the true identity and the true loving message of Christ. The truth is he loves outcasts and will always support them.

Christ was of Middle Eastern descent. Let me remind you that a lot of people from that region have a (light) brown skin color and dark (curly) hair. I know that Yeshua was not part of Egyptian culture, although according to the Gospel of Matthew he may have lived in Egypt for a while, but based on my dreams I think he did bear a strong resemblance to Egyptians. I’ve been to Egypt (Luxor) in 2019 and I think Yeshua could definitely blend in with the local mixed population there (Egyptian, Nubian and Arab). I also believe that the ancient Israelites in Canaan were descended from the Egyptians. They had brown skin and black curly hair, like most North Africans at that time. I assume they are the ancestors of Yeshua. I strongly believe if Yeshua walked on the Earth today, a lot of people would not pay attention to him, simply because he doesn’t look like a white man from Europe. Millions of so called ‘Christians’ would reject him simply because of his skin color and curly hair texture. Black and colored people would also reject him, because many of them don’t like that hair type. All of them are racists, but that’s just my personal opinion.

The King of the Netherlands apologized for Holland’s slavery past. What will this mean for the future of black and colored people in the Netherlands? Of course an apology is just a ceremonial formality. I do appreciate it, because it has a lot of meaning, but it will not change our lives. So what’s next? First of all, it’s important to know that excessive force against black and colored people still happens today, especially police violence which is often the result of racial profiling, and many of them are really innocent. That’s why the Black Lives Matter movement is so important today, because it tries to raise awareness in the hope that something will change. Even though this movement comes from the United States of America, it also matters for black/colored people living in Western European countries. Don’t listen to anti-woke conservatives trying to demonize the Black Lives Matter movement and claiming this movement was created by the so called ‘globalists’. That’s not true! Secondly, I think the best thing black and colored people can do is look within themselves. Deal with the racism in your own heart, because during slavery times a lot of slaves copied the racist ways of thinking from their white masters. In 1873 there came an end to physical slavery for black people in Suriname, but there’s still a lot of mental slavery among black people today. Will black and colored people be able to set themselves free from mental slavery??? Because in their minds they still think and act like slaves, but that’s just my personal opinion again. They often suffer from a low self-esteem. So I’d like to say to them: Look at yourself in the mirror! You are beautiful and smart. As long as your minds are not really free, you are still slaves, sadly. And my message to all black, white, colored and mixed people: Set your mind free! Learn to think with your heart. Everything you see in this world is only temporary. Physical beauty is only temporary. Materialistic success is only temporary. Fame and fortune are temporary and followers/subscribers are temporary too. We don’t need 10.000 friends or subscribers. Nothing lasts on this mortal planet. Thank God! We should be grateful that death exists, because this is a very nasty world to live in. So my message to people is: Love your soul and take care of it! It’s like giving water to a flower. Prepare for the afterlife (if you believe there’s something more)! Free yourself from all the lies that your families, friends and local churches or mosques told you and all the burdens that they placed on your back and shoulders. I know your cross is heavy.

The moral of my story is that nobody wishes to be a beast of burden. Over the centuries this has happened to so many people who were captured, dehumanized and forced to live and work as slaves. This already started thousands of years ago. Even in the postmodern era, there’s still a lot of modern slavery such as trafficking in women and children. But trauma also happens to intelligent animals today, such as gorillas, elephants, horses, donkeys and giraffes. They have feelings too! There’s so much animal abuse. Animals that are forced to live in cages in a zoo or forced to perform in top sports and circuses or used for heavy physical work. A lot of those magnificent animals don’t even know what freedom feels like, because they were born in captivity. Luckily, I know what freedom feels like and I know it’s a human right, but it’s also a privilege, because not everybody is allowed to be free. That’s why we should never take freedom for granted. It’s something we must protect at all costs! Stay vigilant, because there are many anti-woke conservatives who are old-fashioned racists and some of them anonymously post very racist comments on social media, expressing their believe that the white race is far superior and that slavery should never have been abolished. So even today there are some white folks who think that way. That’s scary. How is this possible? I guess there are a lot of angry white people on social media today, because they are losing their white privilege in a world that’s changing. So is there a chance that history (slavery) will be repeated? Well, only time will tell. And how could we prevent that history will be repeated? Read the warnings on the wall and raise awareness in people, especially young people, because they are the future. Let them read books that tell the truth. But most of all, teach children to show compassion for people who are weaker. My African ancestors were not free for a long time, because they were not seen as fully human. So what does it take to be seen as human? And why are only humans allowed to be free and animals not? Why are their feelings less important to some people? Why are creatures with a lower IQ not allowed to be free? They still have feelings and need love. Just because you’re more intelligent doesn’t mean you have the right to enslave less intelligent beings. People with the highest IQ could use their intelligence for so many good causes and yet they often choose to use it for bad things, being selfish, greedy and power hungry. Well, that’s just monstrous, barbaric and cowardly. Those sadists must have a very low EQ. What could you do when you meet that type of person? Stand up to him or her! Do not ever accept toxic behaviour! Protect the weak, the homeless, the disabled, the ones who are not able to speak up for themselves. Back in 2004 I visited a zoo in Berlin (Germany) and saw some gorillas in a cage behind glass. A gorilla and I looked at each other. Somehow I got the feeling that I was looking at a human being, her eyes, her body language, the way the mother gorilla held her baby in her arms, and I just felt so sad and embarrassed. I’m able to express my feelings with words, but she can’t. So I wonder: How did she feel?

Ryan Maurice Roemer, 9 July 2023
Art History graduate, Leiden University

In loving memory of my maternal grandmother (Heligonda Roemer) who died on the 9th of July 2019. She was 95 years old and a devoted Christian woman. I think the King’s apology would have meant a lot to her.

4: Me and my grandma, around October 1980.

© 2023 Ryan Maurice Roemer.
All rights reserved.
Duplication, replication or any other form of distribution of this article without my permission is prohibited.

For more information about the Dutch King’s apology, just click on the links below:
King apologizes for Netherlands’ role in slavery (Reuters)
Dutch King apologizes for the Netherlands’ role in slavery (DW News)
Dutch King Willem-Alexander apologises for country’s role in slavery (BBC News)

‘He lifts me beyond this world’ (song) and my thoughts about Christ

He takes me beyond this door,
beyond this neighbourhood,
beyond this city where I lived all my life.
He takes me beyond this country,
beyond this continent,
beyond this sea where I ran to all my life.
I feel safe in the palm of his hand.
His love is like an elevator lifting me up.
He lifts me up!

I wrote this song on 25 September 2012.
Filmed on 16 February 2013. I was 34 years old in the video.

With this song I would like to remember Ascension Day. I found this old video from 2013 in my digital archive. I wasn’t happy with my performance at the time, but now 10 years later I’ve grown to feel more positive about it. It wasn’t so bad after all. The song is based on dreams. Christ started appearing in my dreams when I was a child growing up in the 1980s and 1990s. He’s the kindest and most loyal man I have ever met. This might surprise a lot of people, because I’m a gay man. As a child I was bullied because of my girlie voice and manners. As an adult I still get a different treatment by a lot of people. The Bible calls feminine men like me an abomination. People think it’s alright to mock gay men, especially effeminate men and transgender women, because the Bible calls them demonic. It saddens me that Christ is misunderstood by so many people all over the world. They keep using his name to justify their discriminating and hateful actions towards people who are different, people who are outcasts. Christ has always been kind to me in dreams and never disrespectful and he never gave me the feeling there was something wrong with me. He has always accepted me for who I am and never tried to change me. He knows that homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexuality and hermaphrodites have always existed. Same-sex relationships not only occur in humans but also in animals. It has always existed and will continue to exist whether you like it or not, because it’s part of nature. Anyone with some common sense knows that. You don’t have to be an academic to understand this. The reason that a lot of people deny the truth is because they are brainwashed by a sick dogma that has torn apart people for centuries. Anyone who discriminates LGBTQ people in the name of Christ is not a real Christian. First of all, because Christ is not a hater and has always chosen love. He would never bully or mock another human being, for he would always show compassion to outcasts. The hatred lives in you, not in him. The Christ that people see in images in the mainstream media is not the real Christ. Nothing but lies. His name is not Jesus, because Christ never had an English name. He also never had long hair on his shoulders and he was not blond. He was a Jewish middle eastern man with dark hair and he loved outcasts. Deal with it!

He lifted me up in dreams. He made me fly. With this song I lift him up on Ascension Day. After all the abuse that you’ve endured, fly away, Christ!

Ryan Maurice Roemer, 18 May 2023

The end is near (lyrics)

I know the end is near.
In a time of war and fear.
The end is near.
It’s all very clear.
We’re not safe anymore, my dear.
We’re doomed to live in fear.
There seems no end to all my tears.
I know the end is near.
It’s all very clear.
In a time of fear.
I’ve cried too many tears.
But I believe the end is near.
A brand new life…
A brand new world will appear
and wash away all my tears.

Song written by Ryan Maurice Roemer on 5th of October 2017.

You can listen to the song if you click on the video.
The song starts at 32:36.

You can also listen to other songs in this video.
13 original a cappella songs that I wrote.
With this collection of songs I celebrate loving outcasts / scapegoats, loving yourself, LGBT love and love for animals. We all want to be loved.
Filmed between the 6th and 14th of December 2020.
Audio quality is not the best, so you’ll hear some distortion.
I used a cheap camcorder for the recordings, because I was only practicing songs.
I hope you’ll still enjoy it….

Full track listing in video:

01. Not your kind / Wicked beast (medley)             00:10
02. The first love                                                          02:43
03. Such a flaming queen                                          03:50
04. Pussy Leroy                                                            07:30
05. Show love today                                                    08:45
06. Kiss of life                                                               10:01
07. Divine stallion (part 1)                                          13:56
08. Divine stallion (part 2)                                          17:17
09. Love gave the Earth horses                                 19:02
10. Mother goose                                                        24:56
11. Poor bird                                                                27:34
12. Animals will survive mankind                             30:09
13. The end is near                                                     32:36

Poor bird (lyrics)

Why are you picking food on the road?
Why are you risking your life?
Cars waiting for a chance to crash you.
Who will bury you, poor bird?
Don’t you want to live?
There’s plenty of food in the woods.
Plenty of delicious nuts in the trees, in the grass.
Are you losing your home?
Poor bird…
People cutting the woods,
taking away plenty of delicious food.
Poor bird… risking your life on the road.
Who will bury you?

Song written by Ryan Maurice Roemer in August 2012.

You can listen to the song if you click on the video.
The song starts at 27:34.

You can also listen to other songs in this video.
13 original a cappella songs that I wrote.
With this collection of songs I celebrate loving outcasts / scapegoats, loving yourself, LGBT love and love for animals. We all want to be loved.
Filmed between the 6th and 14th of December 2020.
Audio quality is not the best, so you’ll hear some distortion.
I used a cheap camcorder for the recordings, because I was only practicing songs.
I hope you’ll still enjoy it….

Full track listing in video:

01. Not your kind / Wicked beast (medley)             00:10
02. The first love                                                          02:43
03. Such a flaming queen                                          03:50
04. Pussy Leroy                                                            07:30
05. Show love today                                                    08:45
06. Kiss of life                                                               10:01
07. Divine stallion (part 1)                                          13:56
08. Divine stallion (part 2)                                          17:17
09. Love gave the Earth horses                                 19:02
10. Mother goose                                                        24:56
11. Poor bird                                                                27:34
12. Animals will survive mankind                             30:09
13. The end is near                                                     32:36

Divine stallion (lyrics)

(Part 1)

A lonely boy like me meets a lonely horse like you.
And we meet in a dream.
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
My black horse, dark stallion.
You, wild horse of the rhythm of life.
Where are you?
Oho…
Where are you?
My white horse, snow stallion.
The risen horse of eternal afterlife.
Where are you?
Aha ah…
Where are you?
I know they hurt you,
but I’ll protect you.
No one will dare! No!
One day…
One day…
One day you will return.
Hurry, sweet love.
A boy like me needs a horse like you.
Run away with me on the beach.
Where are you?
Oho…
Where are you?

(Part 2)

One day we’ll be together, my love.
One day we’ll look in each other’s eyes again.
I wanna feel your body of work.
Work out!
Work out, you strong stallion!
Arousing all my senses.
Work out!
Hey yeah!
Work out!
I wanna feel your body of work.
Work it out!
But most of all I’d like to feel your spirit.
Your spirit…

Song written by Ryan Maurice Roemer in November 2020.
When I was 10 years old in late 1988, two horses started to appear in my dreams.
I was riding one of the horses on the beach. This became a recurring dream.
For many years this horse appeared on the beach in my dreams, night after night after night after night. I’ve never ridden a horse in reality, but I’ve done it plenty of times in dreams. I know that God sent those angelic horses to me in my dreams, because I was bullied at school when I was 10 years old and this went on for many years. I guess God believed I needed these horses for emotional support. They never left me. They are my guardian angels.
Thank you, God, for bringing these angelic beings into my spiritual life.
Nobody else can see them, but I can see and I promise I will always take care of them.

You can listen to the song if you click on the video.
The song (part 1) starts at 13:56.
Part 2 of the song starts at 17:17.

You can also listen to other songs in this video.
13 original a cappella songs that I wrote.
With this collection of songs I celebrate loving outcasts / scapegoats, loving yourself, LGBT love and love for animals. We all want to be loved.
Filmed between the 6th and 14th of December 2020.
Audio quality is not the best, so you’ll hear some distortion.
I used a cheap camcorder for the recordings, because I was only practicing songs.
I hope you’ll still enjoy it….

Full track listing in video:

01. Not your kind / Wicked beast (medley)             00:10
02. The first love                                                          02:43
03. Such a flaming queen                                          03:50
04. Pussy Leroy                                                            07:30
05. Show love today                                                    08:45
06. Kiss of life                                                               10:01
07. Divine stallion (part 1)                                          13:56
08. Divine stallion (part 2)                                          17:17
09. Love gave the Earth horses                                 19:02
10. Mother goose                                                        24:56
11. Poor bird                                                                27:34
12. Animals will survive mankind                             30:09
13. The end is near                                                     32:36