Tagarchief: LGBT

‘I am loved’ (song) and a story about bullying

Click on the video to listen to this a cappella song. This is only the reprise. If you like to hear the full song, then you should scroll down to one of the older articles published on the 1st of October 2021.

Lyrics by Ryan Maurice Roemer.
Filmed on 15 December 2020.

Originally, the title of this song used to be ‘I’M NOT LOVED’. I wrote this song in early 1993 when I was 14 years old. I used to sing: ‘I’m not loved. This child is not loved.’ I was a lonely black teenager who was bullied at high school, because I was different and gay, so with this song I expressed my pain and sorrow. Actually, bullying had already started when I was 12 years old. I was bullied by some older white boys in my neighbourhood Houtwijk in The Hague in the Netherlands. They always called me a ‘faggot’. They didn’t like me, because I was a girlie boy with a feminine type of voice. One day a large group of boys, circa 10 boys (ages: 13 to 15), mostly white boys and one Indian-Surinamese boy (Hindustani), started throwing big stones at me. In the afternoon me and a friend (a Dutch white boy) went to a little nature park in my neighbourhood. He was 12 years old just like me. He was a junior swimming champion and loved water sports, so we went sailing in a mini inflatable boat in the waters of this little park. The group of bullies saw us and walked to the ditch side and started throwing big stones at me and calling me a ‘faggot’ and they screamed that they hated me and wanted to beat me up. It was very overwhelming and intimidating. Luckily, my friend who was taller and very strong started rowing really fast in the water. We tried to escape to another part of the water, but the bullies kept following us, while they walked along the ditch side. We shouted that they should stop throwing stones, but they continued doing this for more than an hour. We tried to hide behind large plants in the water. We had to stay in our boat and could not return to the land, because those big boys stood on the ditch side and threatened to beat me up. Nobody came to help us, because nobody noticed. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, because now my friend knew that many boys in the neighbourhood called me a ‘faggot’. That was not so cool of course. I also felt sorry that he had to experience this traumatic event because of me. I felt a bit guilty, because he was not gay or girlie at all. So this is how a beautiful sunny afternoon became a nightmare. Eventually, after more than an hour the bullies walked away, finally. It felt like survival. Even today I still have a mild form of social anxiety disorder and PTSD.

Around September/October 1991 my parents and I moved to another neighbourhood, because we could get a bigger and more beautiful house there.

Because of this event in spring 1991 I became aware that I was very different from other boys and at that moment I knew that my life was going to be very different from other people’s lives. And indeed my life has been very different. I have received a lot of rejections from people in this life time. Even plenty of rejections from other gay people. When I was about 16 years old, my aunt who is bisexual warned me and said that gay men hate effeminate men. Well, many years later when I was 21 years old I found out that my aunt was right. I came out of the closet in 2000 and started exploring the gay scene in the Netherlands. It’s true that a lot of gay men hate femininity in other men. They hate softness in men. They think it’s something bad. I’ve never received any real support from the gay community. Most gay men (the masculine types) don’t really know what it’s like to be different. Being masculine is still a privilege in this world. Honestly, I think that a lot of gay men are afraid to show feminine characteristics. 

If you’re a girlie boy, then most people wil stay away from you. They won’t be interested in friendship and won’t pay serious attention to you, unless you dress up in drag queen clothes. People seem to like men in drag, because they like to be entertained. I know that some people wonder if I walk around in high heals and with makeup, but I’ve never done that. There’s nothing wrong with it. If men like to do that, they should feel free to enjoy it. I noticed that drag queens have become very popular in recent years. There are also a lot of straight men who like to walk around in women’s clothes and lingerie. It has become a fetish, I guess. Because of this current hype things seem to have improved for feminine men, but that’s not really the case. If you’re a girlie boy who is not a crossdresser, then you will still be rejected a lot in daily life. Not only your social life will be very different, but also your professional life will be different, because you will get fewer opportunities. So I understand why some gay men decide to start working as drag queens. Drag queens are so popular now. But that’s not something I would do, because I don’t want to be seen as a clownesk entertainer, but as a human being in the first place.

There is a reason why I became the way I am today. After so many rejections I had no choice but to grow incredibly strong spiritually. That’s the only way to survive.

I’ve changed the title of my song to ‘I AM LOVED’. From now on I will sing: ‘I am loved. This child is very loved.’ Because I cannot and don’t want to leave this planet thinking that I’m not loved. I know that the Universe loves me, the great Cosmic Spirit loves me, Mother Nature loves me and my own mother who gave birth to me loves me too. And I also love myself. In this lifetime I have encountered angels protecting and guiding me. So this is my message to all children who are victims and survivors of bullying: I know this is a very nasty world, but don’t ever stop loving yourself. And don’t let the bullies trick you into thinking that God doesn’t love you. That’s the biggest lie of all. God loves you more than you’ll ever know.

Love,

Ryan 

CATS APPEARING AT NIGHT (song with #Pride photos)

Cats appearing at night.

Walking quietly to the light.

But usually they don’t want to be seen,

although they are handsome and keen.

Cats disappearing from your sight.

Making you wonder if it’s just a lie,

because you don’t know where they are

and you don’t know if you’ll see them once more.

Searching and wondering.

But they are just hiding somewhere in the dark.

Lyrics, Composition & Photography: Ryan Maurice Roemer

Song recorded: 19 October 2021

Photo shoot with models: 24 April 2021

Such a flaming queen (lyrics)

Sometimes I’m such a flaming queen.
So effeminate

I’m a flaming queen.
So flaming
Flaming

I’m a screaming queen.
You’ll hear my voice.
I’m telling you I’m a different kind of boy.

I’m a flaming queen.
That’s what you’re gonna see
whenever you dream of me.

I’m a flaming queen.
Here I go.
Oeh

I’m a flaming queen.
Flamboyant
Self confidant
I’m gonna be resistant.

I’m a flaming queen
whenever we meet.
Like you’ve never seen.
You’ve never seen before.
I will open every door.

I’m a flaming queen.
So flaming
Flaming

I’m a screaming queen.
The loudest queen you will ever see.

I refuse to make a deal.
I have a dream to be free.

You’ll hear my voice.
I’m telling you I’m a different kind of boy.

I’m a flaming queen.
Oeh
I’m a flaming queen.
The only queen you will ever see.

Written by Ryan Maurice Roemer in April 2018.
All rights reserved.

Hete Beesten in het Toverbos (Gay Pride film)

Written, produced and directed by Ryan Maurice Roemer.
Photography and filming took place in Delft and Wassenaar in the Netherlands from July to September 2019.
The song ‘Such a flaming queen’ is written and performed by Ryan Maurice Roemer.
All rights reserved.

Watch photos from the film on my page on flickr.com.

Stop Discrimination against Gay People in the Bible!!! (2nd video version + complete text, including interpretation of my spiritual dreams)

The biblical god is a typical alpha male bully. Especially effeminates deal with a lot of discrimination. We have to let go of this evil god. All effeminate boys deserve respect, love and some fun. Treat another person the way you would like to be treated yourself. If you’re not able to love an effeminate man, then you don’t deserve to be loved either.

COMPLETE TEXT FROM THE VIDEO

PART 1 OF THE TEXT

OLD TESTAMENT, Leviticus chapter 18 verse 22.
The false Hebrew god speaks to Moses:
‘You shall not lie with a male as lie with a woman;
it is an abomination.’

OLD TESTAMENT, Leviticus chapter 20 verse 13.
The false Hebrew god speaks to Moses:
‘If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them
have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put
to death; their blood is upon them.’

NEW TESTAMENT, Romans chapter 1 verse 26-27.
A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Romans:
‘For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections:
for even their women did change the natural use into
that which is against nature: And likewise also the men,
leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust
one toward another; men with men working that which is
unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of
their error which was meet.’ (King James Version)

NEW TESTAMENT, Romans chapter 1 verse 26-27.
A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Romans:
‘Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts.
Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for
unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned
natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust
for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other
men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their
error.’ (New International Version)

NEW TESTAMENT, 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 9-11.
A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians:
‘Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the
kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators,
nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers
of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous,
nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall
inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you:
but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are
justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit
of our God.’ (King James Version)

NEW TESTAMENT, 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 9-11.
A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians:
‘Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the
kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually
immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have
sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards
nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom
of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were
washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the
name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our
God.’ (New International Version)

MY STORY AND DREAMS

From a young age I knew that I was different. As a
young child I was a girly boy, because I had a girly
voice and I played with dolls and My Little Ponies.
When I was about 7 years old, I loved dressing up,
so sometimes I wore my mother’s dresses which
were way too large for me, and I loved making
wigs. I never wanted to be a girl, but dressing up
was just fun to me when I was a little child,
although I stopped doing it when I was about
10 years old. I simply lost interest for women’s
clothes. Maybe because I discovered other hobbies.

When I was 12 years old, other children in my
neighbourhood started bullying me and calling me
a faggot, because I was a 12 year old boy with a
girly voice. When I went to high school, students
bullied me for many years. I was bullied for my
brown skin color, but also for being a sissy. They
didn’t want to sit next to me, because they believed
that I had aids, but I had never been intimate with
another boy or man at that time. So it was prejudice
and fear. I was so innocent at that time. When I was
17 years old, I didn’t even know what gay sex
exactly meant. I had no idea what kind of sex two
men could have with each other. But I was very
much aware of the fact that I was gay.

I’ve always felt attracted to other men. When I was
6 or 7 years old, I already started getting crushes on
other boys at school (Nutsschool Morgenstond in
The Hague, Netherlands). For example, there was an
older boy with dark hair at my school, much older
than I was, maybe he was 11 or 12 years old, and
I thought he was so beautiful. During lunch break
I went to our playground, I was only 6 or 7 years
old, and I couldn’t help looking at this gorgeous
older boy with dark hair. This older boy had a blond
friend who was the same age (11 or 12) and this
blond guy became my big friend at school and he
protected me. But there were also some other kids
(mostly girls) who became my friends. I had a great
time at elementary school.

Many years later, when I attended a catholic high
school (St. Janscollege in The Hague), things had
changed. At high school there was nobody who
protected me. There was nobody who comforted
me when I felt sad. Not even school teachers were
able to stop the bullying. So I had to learn to stand
up for myself. In 1993 or 1994 when I was 15 years
old, a few boys at school asked me if I was gay and
I said ‘yes’. Then they got angry and started calling
ugly names to me. Soon everybody at school knew
it. After this bad experience I was afraid to come
out of the closet, because I was afraid for people’s
reactions, although everybody already suspected
that I was gay, because I came across effeminate
because of my girly voice. But still it took me a long
time to come out. Eventually on 7 October 2000
when I turned 22 years old, I finally came out to
my parents and other family.

Even today I’m still being discriminated against
when I apply for a job. So many employers rejected
me and said I was too “soft” for the job. People
always think I’m too soft, because I have a soft and
feminine voice. Whenever I talk to people on the
phone, they always think I’m a woman, so then
I have to tell them I’m a man. There have been many
prejudices against me and my career has really
suffered because of that. I have a master’s degree
and bachelor’s degree in Art History (Leiden
University). Yes, I know that for most art history
graduates it’s hard to find a job in this era, but
that’s not the only reason I can’t find a decent job
in a museum or someplace else. There’s also a lot of
prejudice against me, because whenever people see
me and hear my voice, they immediately think I’m
gay. Somehow they always think I’m too soft for the
job. They won’t take me seriously, because they
think I’m just a sissy. I can’t help having a soft voice
and looking skinny. I’m not a macho looking man,
but I know I’m tough enough for any job!

For many years I’ve wondered where these
prejudices come from. Well, I think this hatred
comes from religions such as Judaism, Christianity
and Islam. These religions have caused so much
suffering in this world, not only discriminating
against homosexuals and lesbians, but especially
discrimination against men who are naturally
feminine. People will accept a gay man much
quicker if he keeps acting masculine (straight-
acting), but they will reject a gay man who comes
across a bit feminine. This is crazy, because there’s
some femininity in every man and there’s some
masculinity in every woman. That’s nature! Every
child is created by a man and woman! You’ll get dna
from both sexes. Don’t feel ashamed of that!

I was born in The Hague, Netherlands on 7 October
1978 and raised in a catholic family, because my
mother and father come from catholic families in
Suriname (South America). I was baptized in a
catholic church in The Hague on 6 January 1980
when I was 1 year old. But my parents were not
strict catholic, so I was lucky. I had a lot of freedom.

My parents split up in summer 1983. In June 1985 my
mother married a Dutch man (my stepfather) who is
not religious at all, but my mother and I kept our
faith. I started having doubts about Christianity when
I was 18 years old, because the whitewashing of
Yeshua (Jesus) seemed suspicious to me. Another
reason, many christians always use a double standard
and they are so pretentious. They condemn a loving
kiss between two men, but they enjoy watching
violence in Hollywood movies, video games and on
television. Many christians in the United States also
support gun possession. Their way of thinking is just
so ridiculous. It’s all brainwashing and I will not
tolerate it any longer!

The false god in the Bible needs to go! When I was
a little boy reading the Bible, Genesis chapter 22
(Binding of Isaac), I always thought it was very
strange that this so called “god” tempts Abraham to
sacrifice his own beloved son Isaac. What kind of god
would ask something like that to a mortal? What a
bully! Obviously, this god wants to put fear in people,
so he’s not loving at all. It’s a clear example of power
abuse (reference to #metoo movement). Just because
a god is more powerful, does that make it okay to
abuse his power in this way and to bully our loved
ones? Hell no! Of course I know that Abraham did not
have to sacrifice his son eventually, but still the idea
that a god would dare to ask something like that is so
disrespectful and evil. A true loving God would never
ask something like that, because it’s unnatural to kill
your own child! This biblical god is evil, so we have to
let him go! He acts like a typical alpha male bully who
doesn’t have any respect for the LGBT community.
Biblical god, you are dismissed!

There’s only one positive thing coming from the
Bible and that’s Yeshua (Jesus). The way Yeshua
helped outcasts and sick people is a story that has
touched me. I believe he really cared for those
people. I just don’t understand, how could the
Hebrew biblical god Jahweh be the “Father” of
Yeshua? Yeshua seems like such a good loving person,
while his so called “Father” is the complete opposite.
His “Father” seems so aggressive, violent,
misogynistic and homophobic. Are Yeshua and
Jahweh really the same person? Well, I hope not!

Written by Ryan Maurice Roemer on 29 March 2018.

PART 2 OF THE TEXT

Nobody tells me who I have to love or how I should
make love. I have the right to be intimate with
another man if that makes me feel good. As long as
there are two adults who choose to be intimate with
each other and nobody gets physically hurt, then
who are you to judge them? Maybe you’re jealous?
Because you don’t want other people to be happy?
What two people do in bed is private as long as
there’s no physical abuse.

People have to learn to say what they want or don’t
want in bed. If you enjoy something, you have to say
it. And if something makes you feel uncomfortable,
you should not do it. For example, I like to make love
to a man, but I don’t want anal sex with him, so that’s
something I’ve never done. I’m simply not interested
in that type of intercourse.

But don’t let religion destroy your joy in life. Have a
happy gay life! Don’t become the prisoner of what
other people want you to be. I know it can be really
hard to break free. But eventually, all animals
(including human beings) want to be free.

When I sleep, I get really special dreams sometimes.
On 1 February 2017 I dreamed that I was going on a
vacation with a male friend. In this dream we have
already packed our bags, so we leave our home and
walk to the nearest bus stop at the corner of the
street. It’s a bright and sunny day. At the bus stop
I realize that I forgot something, so I walk back to my
home really fast, because my home is in the same
street. In the meantime my friend keeps waiting at
the bus stop. So I enter my home and take that
missing thing (but I don’t remember what exactly)
and then I go back to the bus stop. I start running,
because the bus has already arrived. My friend gets
on the bus and he puts our luggage inside. He keeps
waiting for me, but the bus driver doesn’t want to
wait for me. So the bus drives away and I’m left
behind all by myself. I start running after the bus,
because I don’t want to miss my airplane at the
airport, but the bus drives too fast. I also think of my
songbook which is in my bag, but my bag is in the
bus. I hope my friend won’t secretly read my
songbook, because some songs I wrote are really
personal. I try to catch my bus at the next stop, but
I’m still too far away. So the bus drives away again.

Then I decide to start flying, because in dreams
I often have this ability to fly. So I spread my arms
and start flying in the sky. I hope I can catch my bus
in this way. But after a while the blue sky suddenly
changes into a gigantic stone ceiling. It has become
the stone ceiling of a large public building (maybe
a shopping mall), which means that I’ve become
imprisoned in a public building and I can’t get out.
This must be evil magic. But I won’t give up, so I try
to fly (just like a spirit) right through the ceiling and
the roof of this building. Luckily, my spiritual method
works! So I’m outside and free again. I start flying
higher and higher in the blue sky. I can see the whole
city now!

After some time I realize that I’m not alone anymore,
because I’m being carried by someone high in the sky.
A divine man (maybe an angel) has appeared and
he is flying in the sky, while he carries me on his back.
By the way, I have met him in a lot of dreams since
my childhood. He flies over the city’s landscape,
so from the sky I see plenty of beautiful red brick
buildings on the surface of the land. One of those
larger buildings seems to be a church. He flies to this
church and lands on his feet right in front of the
church door. I understand he wants to go to church,
but I don’t want to go there anymore, so I get off his
back and leave him and I start flying by myself again.
From the sky I can see him walk to the door and enter
the church. I don’t want to go with him, because I just
want to be free. I fought so hard for my freedom,
so I’m not giving it up, and I’m not even sure if this
church is a good place. I don’t trust it. Maybe it’s just
another prison in disguise. So I fly away to the sea
where I feel happy. Then I wake up from my dream.

Around 1985/1986 when I was 6 or 7 years old,
I got a special dream. In this dream I’m back in my
old neighbourhood (Wapserveenstraat in The Hague).
It’s evening and getting darker. Together with
dozens of other children (over 100) I’m standing on
the large playground. We are waiting for a man.
This man is like a father figure to me. We keep
waiting and waiting and waiting, because we know
that he will return to us. Eventually, our wish comes
true, because he finally comes along. He walks by
himself and enters our playground. This tall man is a
cross-dresser, because he’s dressed like a woman.
He walks in high heels and wears a knee length dress,
a women’s hat and a handbag. There’s also a little
make-up on his face and he has long hair. When he
enters the playground, all children feel so happy and
start cheering and we all run to him. This effeminate
man is the kindest person in the world! I feel a little
bit jealous, because I don’t want to share my
effeminate father figure with all these other children.
So I make sure that I stand right next to him. Then
after a while I wake up in bed. This was a recurring
dream around 1985-1988.

Now that you’ve read my dreams, what do you
think? Do you think that our saviour could be a
cross-dresser or an effeminate man? I hope so!
That would be wonderful! Don’t be afraid of him!

All effeminate boys deserve love and some fun!

Let’s work together, so that we can make a real
visible change in the world. A change that all our
children will benefit from in the future.

Back in August 1994 when I was 15 years old,
I wrote a song. I think this song is appropriate for
this special occasion, so I recorded the song again
on 9 April 2018. I play the xylophone, but I keep it
really simple, because I have very little experience.
But I don’t care, so here is my performance.

LET’S GIVE ALL WE HAVE (lyrics)

I’m tired of sharing fun with myself.
It’s never been my wish, like today.
I’ve always been happy, as you see.
It could have been better together.

And I know that’s the way you think too.
Together we’ll take it much further.

Let’s give all we have.
What’s inside of you?
Whatever it is,
I’m gonna treat you right.

Tell me why you need me as a friend.
Know the reason yourself why it’s me.
‘Cause whatever we have, has value.
Don’t break down the road in front of us.

And I know that’s the way you think too.
Together we’ll take it much further.

Let’s give all we have.
What’s inside of you?
Whatever it is,
I’m gonna treat you right.

But life is not a fairy tale.
Try to survive my bad moods.
Don’t run away too.

And I know that’s the way you think too.
Together we’ll take it much further.

Let’s give all we have.
What’s inside of you?
Whatever it is,
I’m gonna treat you right.

Let’s give all we have.
What’s inside of you?
Whatever it is,
I’m gonna treat you right.

Let’s give all we have!
Tell me!
What’s inside of you?
Tell me!
Aha
What’s inside of you?

Story written by Ryan Maurice Roemer in 2018.

STOP DISCRIMINATION AGAINST GAY PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE !!! (first part)

OLD TESTAMENT, Leviticus chapter 18 verse 22. The false Hebrew god speaks to Moses:
‘You shall not lie with a male as lie with a woman; it is an abomination.’

OLD TESTAMENT, Leviticus chapter 20 verse 13. The false Hebrew god speaks to Moses:
‘If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.’

NEW TESTAMENT, Romans chapter 1 verse 26-27. A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Romans:
‘For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.’ (King James Version)

NEW TESTAMENT, Romans chapter 1 verse 26-27. A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Romans:
‘Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.’ (New International Version)

NEW TESTAMENT, 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 9-11. A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians:
‘Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.’ (King James Version)

NEW TESTAMENT, 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 9-11. A letter written by Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians:
‘Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.’ (New International Version)

From a young age I knew that I was different. As a young child I was a girly boy, because I had a girly voice and I played with dolls and My Little Ponies. When I was about 7 years old, I loved dressing up, so sometimes I wore my mother’s dresses which were way too large for me, and I loved making wigs. I never wanted to be a girl, but dressing up was just fun to me when I was a little child, although I stopped doing it when I was about 10 years old. I simply lost interest for women’s clothes. Maybe because I discovered other hobbies. When I was 12 years old, other children in my neighbourhood started bullying me and calling me a faggot, because I was a 12 year old boy with a girly voice. When I went to high school students bullied me for many years. I was bullied for my brown skin color, but also for being a sissy. They didn’t want to sit next to me, because they believed that I had aids, but I had never been intimate with another boy or man at that time. So it was prejudice and fear. I was so innocent at that time. When I was 17 years old, I didn’t even know what gay sex exactly meant. I had no idea what kind of sex two men could have with each other. But I was very much aware of the fact that I was gay.

I’ve always felt attracted to other men. When I was 6 or 7 years old, I already started getting crushes on other boys at school (Nutsschool Morgenstond in The Hague, Netherlands). For example, there was an older boy with dark hair at my school, much older than I was, maybe he was 11 or 12 years old, and I thought he was so beautiful. During the lunch break I went to our playground, I was only 6 or 7 years old, and I couldn’t help looking at this gorgeous older boy with dark hair. This older boy had a blond friend who was the same age (11 or 12) and this blond guy became my big friend at school and he protected me. But there were also some other kids (mostly girls) who became my friends. I had a great time at elementary school.

Many years later, when I attended a catholic high school (St. Janscollege in The Hague), things had changed. At high school there was nobody who protected me. There was nobody who comforted me when I felt sad. Not even school teachers were able to stop the bullying. So I had to learn to stand up for myself. In 1993 or 1994 when I was 15 years old, a few boys at school asked me if I was gay and I said ‘yes’. Then they got angry and started calling ugly names to me. Soon everybody at school knew it. After this bad experience I was afraid to come out of the closet, because I was afraid for people’s reactions, although everybody already suspected that I was gay, because I came across effeminate because of my girly voice. But still it took me a long time to come out. Eventually on 7 October 2000 when I turned 22 years old, I finally came out to my parents and other family.

Even today I’m still being discriminated against when I apply for a job. So many employers rejected me and said I was too “soft” for the job. People always think I’m too soft, because I have a soft and feminine voice. Whenever I talk to people on the phone, they always think I’m a woman, so then I have to tell them I’m a man. There have been many prejudices against me and my career has really suffered because of that. I have a master’s degree and bachelor’s degree in Art History (Leiden University). Yes, I know that for most art history graduates it’s hard to find a job in this era, but that’s not the only reason I can’t find a decent job in a museum or someplace else. There’s also a lot of prejudice against me, because whenever people see me and hear my voice, they immediately think I’m gay. Somehow they always think I’m too soft for the job. They won’t take me seriously, because they think I’m just a sissy. I can’t help having a soft voice and looking skinny. I’m not a macho looking man, but I know I’m tough enough for any job!

For many years I’ve wondered where these prejudices come from. Well, I think this hatred comes from religions such as Judaism, Christianity and Islam. These religions have caused so much suffering in this world, not only discriminating against homosexuals and lesbians, but especially discrimination against men who are naturally feminine. People will accept a gay man much quicker if he keeps acting masculine (straight-acting), but they will reject a gay man who comes across a bit feminine. This is crazy, because there’s some femininity in every man and there’s some masculinity in every woman. That’s nature! Every child is created by a man and woman! You’ll get dna from both sexes. Don’t feel ashamed of that!

I was born in The Hague, Netherlands on 7 October 1978 and raised in a catholic family, because my mother and father come from catholic families in Suriname (South America). I was baptized in a catholic church in The Hague on 6 January 1980 when I was 1 year old. But my parents were not strict catholic, so I was lucky. I had a lot of freedom. My parents split up in summer 1983 and then my mother married a Dutch man (my stepfather) who is not religious at all, but my mother and I kept our faith. I started having doubts about christianity when I was 18 years old, because the whitewashing of Yeshua (Jesus) seemed suspicious to me. Another reason, many christians always use a double standard and they are so pretentious. They condemn a loving kiss between two men, but they enjoy watching violence in Hollywood movies, video games and on television. Many christians in the United States also support gun possession. Their way of thinking is just so ridiculous. It’s all brainwashing and I will not tolerate it any longer!

The false god in the Bible needs to go! When I was a little boy reading the Bible, Genesis chapter 22 (Binding of Isaac), I always thought it was very strange that this so called “god” tempts Abraham to sacrifice his own beloved son Isaac. What kind of god would ask something like that to a mortal? What a bully! Obviously, this god wants to put fear in people, so he’s not loving at all. It’s a clear example of power abuse (reference to #metoo movement). Just because a god is more powerful, does that make it okay to abuse his power in this way and to bully our loved ones? Hell no! Of course I know that Abraham did not have to sacrifice his son eventually, but still the idea that a god would dare to ask something like that is so disrespectful and evil. A true loving God would never ask something like that, because it’s unnatural to kill your own child! This biblical god is evil and we have to let him go! He acts like a typical alpha male bully who doesn’t have any respect for the LGBT community. Biblical god, you are dismissed!

There’s only one positive thing coming from the Bible and that’s Yeshua (Jesus). The way Yeshua helped outcasts and sick people is a story that has touched me. I believe he really cared for those people. I just don’t understand, how could the Hebrew biblical god Jahweh be the “Father” of Yeshua? Yeshua seems like such a good loving person, while his so called “Father” is the complete opposite. His “Father” seems so aggressive, violent, misogynistic and homophobic. Are Yeshua and Jahweh really the same person? Well, I hope not!

Written by Ryan Maurice Roemer on 29 March 2018.